Steadfast Love – A Eulogy for Roger Kelly
The Rev. Canon Frank Logue preached this sermon at St. Michael and All Angels Episcopal Church
in Savannah, Georgia on March 15, 2019
Steadfast Love – A Eulogy for Roger Kelly
Lamentations 3:22-33; I Corinthians 15, and John 11: 21-27
“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
The Prophet Jeremiah writes of the steadfast love of the LORD, and of mercies that never come to an end. We gather today to give thanks for the life of Roger Kelly and in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection, we know that our gracious God’s steadfast love for Roger has not ended and his mercies for Roger will never come to an end.
Roger faced a test of faith last week. He could see where his path was headed and he decided to put his trust in God and not take further treatment for cancer. He made the decision, but as his wife Bonnie recalls, he wanted to know what she thought and what Kevin thought, to make sure it was okay with them. They understood and treatment moved to palliative care. Bonnie said, “How brave and courageous,” then she added, “That is how he had always been. Brave and courageous.”
Roger put his full trust in Jesus Christ who told his friend Martha in our reading from John’s Gospel, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.”
Lamentations extols the steadfast love of God. In our epistle reading, Paul exhorts the Christians in Corinth to be steadfast. Roger Kelly knew more than a little something about being steadfast. But we’ll get to that in a moment. First, we have to appreciate that he almost certainly did not know what he was getting himself into in marrying Bonnie.
Oh, he knew her well enough. They met at the Baptist Student Union at Valdosta State University where he was earning a degree in Business Administration and Accounting while Bonnie was earning hers in Music. They were part of the same group that did Bible Studies and other projects together. Roger and Bonnie became good friends first. She saw such a kindness in Roger, a sweetness about him. He was laid back while she was a hand-wringing worrier and he helped her be more realistic about what she faced instead of what she built in her mind a given problem to be. Bonnie felt that Roger just understood her, was always interested in what she was doing. By his Senior year and her Junior year of college, the two were married.
Bonnie says, “He knew I wanted to be a church organist, but he didn’t know what he was in for.” Bringing the point home, she added, “It’s like being a priest’s wife, but on a lower scale.”
Yet through decades of rehearsals, weddings, funerals, and continuing education, Roger never complained. He remained steadfast in his support of Bonnie’s vocation as a church musician. Roger sang in the choir in early years and later served as an usher. In talking to several members here at St. Michael and All Angels, I learned of one never failing act. Whenever Bonnie comes down to play the piano here and needs to get back up to the organ, she has to pass through that door at the back of the nave. Roger would be standing there, holding it open for her so she wouldn’t have to pause to open the door. This past Sunday, his fellow usher Kathy Gruver made sure to hold the door for Bonnie as she knew Roger would have wanted.
But none of this is to suggest that all was a bed of roses. For while he discovered what life was like when married to a church musician, Bonnie learned about Roger’s temper. She discovered that if she pushed his buttons the wrong way, there he would go. She told me, “When we were first married I thought, ‘Oh No. This is the end of our marriage.’” But she also learned that he settles down. “He was a gentle giant really,” she said. Kevin recalls more that he and his sister, Robin, lived with the familiar threat of all kids of the time period, “Wait until your father gets home.”
A marriage takes work Bonnie says, and they worked on it. She came to be grateful for his constant ability to put up with her temperamentalness.
Roger worked in building supplies, wholesaling lumber and paint. If you know Roger at all, you know he loved to talk and with him there were no short stories. In fact, he could talk as long as you wanted to and would listen. Bonnie recalls that he loved knowing what builders needed, understanding their needs and being ready for them. Kevin remembers that his Dad had a head for numbers and could calculate out complicated equations of board feet in his head. But it was never about board feet and numbers. Work for Roger was all about the customers.
He loved his customers and looked out for them and they loved him. Dave Clark knew Roger from Christ Episcopal Church in Valdosta and from Scouting with their kids. Roger also worked for Dave in his store in Tifton. Dave said, “He just a friendly guy, so he was great with the customers.” But Dave remembers more how Roger never failed to be there for his kids adding, “He was a good scout leader and a good dad.”
As a college student, Bonnie started playing the organ at First Presbyterian in Valdosta. It was a temporary job to get some experience. She would play at First Pres for 22 years. Kevin recalls his First Communion crystal clearly, perhaps because it didn’t happen in church. Kevin wanted to take part in Communion, but First Presbyterian, you had to be at least 12 years old and take catechism classes first. Kevin didn’t understand the rules, but his Daddy understood the hunger. He gave Kevin communion in the family room of their house with Welch’s grape juice and Wonder Bread. Jesus showed up. Kevin said, “Daddy knew it was important to me. It might have been important to him too, but he knew it was important to me.”
Roger threw himself into being a father. Robin and Kevin were into horses and the family had their horses out where the asphalt ended on Skipper Bridge Road. They would travel all over in a massive yellow long bed Chevy Silverado to competitions for the South Georgia North Florida Hunter Jumper Association. Up early and out late. Riding up and down the roads. And Kevin recalls his Daddy always getting him to baseball practice and coming to all his games.
When the kids were out of the house, Bonnie wanted to go back to school to finish her French degree. Roger supported her fully, even when in 1986 she went to France on an extended study trip. They were apart for months as Bonnie immersed herself in the language and culture in classes and excursions for French teachers. The time apart was not easy, Roger never complained. Bonnie got sick in traveling home. She didn’t see how she could make it all the way back on a plane. The flight back stopped in North Carolina and she knew she couldn’t make the next flight to Atlanta. She called Roger. He said he would pick her up. First, he packed a cooler. Bonnie had been in France away from foods she loved back home, so Roger bought an ice chest full of the foods she loved and then drove to North Carolina. Bonnie remembers seeing her husband for the first time in months. Seeing him stopped her. He just stood there. “He was coming to my rescue again,” she said. She had come to depend on his steadfastness more than she knew. “I thought of all that time apart and it wasn’t worth it,” she said. “We didn’t part again.” She went on to teach French at Irwin County High School, but there were no more solo trips. They stayed together the rest of their lives.
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When Kevin and Christine were living in Huntington, West Virginia and their second child, Sam, was on the way, Bonnie and Roger thought about how far apart they were from their grandchildren. Then one day as they were turning left, another car ran a red light on Abercorn Street here in Savannah and their lives changed. Bonnie and Roger were both knocked unconscious. She wasn’t hurt that bad, but Roger could no longer physically handle his work. They broached the idea with Kevin and Christine of moving to Huntington to help out with Sam and Jack.
If something made Bonnie happy, it made Roger happy and caring for the grandkids as they came along made Roger and Bonnie very happy. Roger loved trains and he shared that love with first Jack and then Sam, timing a drive to stop and see a real-life train going by. He built a large model railroad, where Sam could sit in the middle of the set with his diaper on and a passy in his mouth watching the train go round and round.
Jack’s fond memories of his grandfather, all revolve around the stories he told. “I really loved having conversations with him because they always seemed to lead to stories,” Jack said. “Sometimes his stories would be about when I was growing up or about when my dad was growing up, and those were great because they were usually funny and provided a different perspective.” Jack went on, “But he would also just tell stories about random people he had worked with over the years, and they were always just so interesting. He was just a really interesting person to talk to.”
Everyone saw this. Talking to Jim Holland here at St. Michael’s, I came to understand that most of the problems of the church and the world were solved in the parish hall here when he and Roger and Jim Corneille would sit and talk. But Roger was also quick to jump up and work. He would often set up all the tables in the Parish Hall or anything else that was needed as long for as he could do it.
Kathy Gruver said she would watch Father Kevin’s face during the Rector’s Forums. His Dad had a quick wit and always had a quip, but Kevin would look on warily. When she asked about it, the rector told Kathy, “I never know what he’s going to say.” That, of course, was the joy of Roger’s wit. You never knew what he’d come out with.
For Jack it was the small things as his grandparents were always there for him and Sam and Kate. Jack said, “We used to like to do the same things on family holidays like Christmas. Whenever he would come over, I used to sit with him and watch football and talk and nap.” Jack adds, “While it seems like such a little thing, sharing that time was one of the best parts of those holidays.”
Roger was, as Kevin puts it, “More concerned for Mom than for himself. At least he wanted to be.” That concern abided to the end when it was time to stop fighting and let nature take its course. He showed the abiding faith he had in putting his trust in the Lord.
St. Paul writes in our reading for First Corinthians, “For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on immortality.” Roger’s very perishable body has put on imperishability. He has passed from life through death to the life eternal.
We gather today knowing that life for Roger has changed, not ended. The First Letter to the Corinthians says,
“Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved, be steadfast, immovable, always excelling in the work of the Lord, because you know that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
Steadfast. Loving. That was Roger Kelly. And for that, we give thanks. Yet we know the imperfect love any of us can show is a pale shadow of the steadfast love that God had for Roger and that God has for you. We gather in gratitude for the love of God that never ends.
Jesus’ friend Martha was lost in grief for her brother. She said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother, Lazarus, would not have died.” Just as Martha would come to see how Jesus never left Lazarus and would raise him up, we know that Jesus never left Roger.
This past Sunday, Nathan took communion from this altar to Hospice. There Kevin, who first received communion from his Daddy received it once again just before his father died. Surrounded by loving family, Roger Kelly passed through death to true communion with the God who loved him, redeemed him, and welcomed him home.
All of us are understudies for the role of the dying. Barring a tragedy, we will come to a point of decision. Roger demonstrated a faithful response. But we don’t have to wait for the end of our days. In the chances and changes of our lives, we are each called not to trust in our own steadfastness, but to put our trust in the Lord whose steadfast love never ceases, and whose mercies never come to an end.
Amen.
