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Create a Healthy Church Atmosphere

2011 January 11
by canonfrank

Christian community is inherently grace-filled. Our congregations are places that can share one anothers joy and bear one anothers burdens. But there are also problems that creap in to any human organization and the hurt caused is particularly bad when it happens in a church. Some people are turned away from God by the way fellow Christians treat them. If vestries and other committees prohibit two common ways of communicating-anonymous complaints and triangulation.-a world of hurt can be avoided. 

The first is self-explanatory. No vestry member should ever say “people are saying” or “I hear that.” A Christian community should be able to air its concerns openly. Either, get the person with the issue to come state their complaints to the vestry, or gain their permission to use their name in presenting the problem. If there is a good, pastoral reason why the name need not be shared with the whole group then the Rector or Vicar should know the person’s name and why the name should not go forward to the vestry with the issue. Failing that, the Senior Warden should know. Otherwise, the anonymous information should not be presented.

The second issue is triangulation. Most clergy have been trained to avoid this and so people may seek to triangulate the vestry members. Person A has a problem with Person B, but instead goes to Person C and insists he or she confront Person B without mentioning his or her name. In so doing, the person with the problem remains anonymous. Introduced into the language to describe a dynamic common in a dysfunctional family, triangulation is common in groups small and large and so finds its way into churches. But Jesus taught us to deal directly with the person with whom we have an issue and only when that fails to openly take the issue to the church, and in so doing taught us to avoid this unhelpful behavior.
 

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When someone approaches you to “fix” another person, there are two healthy options for avoiding being triangulated: 1) Offer to get together with the two persons as they discuss the issue, or 2) Offer to approach the person about the problem, but only if you can name who has the concern (as above with anonymous information). In so doing, you close the triangle and cause the problem to be dealt with openly.

Help your vestry and other church committees to understand how to avoid these two concerns and you will have gone a long way toward creating a healthier atmosphere in your congregation.

The Rev. Canon Frank Logue
Canon for Congregational Ministries

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